For a lot of people who suffer from low self esteem and low confidence due to body image we constantly go through this procedure of apologising to others for how we look. We may not notice we do it, but it’s definitely a thing that happens. From little things like making excuses as to why a pair of jeans no longer fit, to apologising to someone sitting next to you on a busy bus, we, for some reason, constantly feel the need to apologise for existing.
In my case, it became a thing I would do nearly everyday. I would feel a sense of shame and guilt for existing in my body, which totally ignoring how much my body has actually done for me, how much it has done to keep me alive despite the close calls. The other day on Instagram, I decided to post an open letter to my body, apologising TO it, INSTEAD of FOR it. Thanking it for healing me. For carrying me and for just being a part of me.
I’m sorry. Sorry for hurting you, sorry for abusing you and sorry for any harsh words used against you. Throughout the last few years of accepting you, the one thing I haven’t done is apologise for the way I have treated you. I wanted to change you. I wanted you to be smaller. I tried to erase your beautiful melanin. I cut you. I harmed you. I tried to kill you. I didn’t want you to be a part of me. I hated you.
I think back to my youth and think about how much you have gone through; you’ve been broken, bruised, bloodied, burned and pummelled but you did not once give up on me. You recovered; you healed. You’re the reason I’m still here. You’re resilience and strength is outstanding; how could I ever hate something that has fought to keep me alive for so long? I have come to love and accept you. Your stretch marks tell a long and complicated story. Your marks and scars leave behind tales of strength and courage. Your saggy boobs will one day nourish hella kids and keep them strong. Your skin colour has been passed down to you from a nation of people known for their beauty, tenancy, grace and strength. You have a man who loves every inch of you, who worships you and your curves are a wonder to behold. You are amazing. You are strong. You are resilient.
You may not be what is categorised as beautiful within the mainstream, but you are beautiful, and I love you.
It’s very easy to abuse and say horrible things about your body because it’s a part of you and you don’t really have to think twice about it, however the psychological harm as been done. You wouldn’t say such horrible things to others; why would you say it to yourself?
Instead of harming and abusing your body, thank it. Thank it for being a part of you. For healing you when you’ve been injured or sick, for being unique. Treat yourself! Run a long, hot bubble bath and soak with a good book; Use a salt scrub and polish your skin, drink loads of water, have a spa day or a long massage or buy some pretty lingerie, stand in the mirror and look at how amazing you look and feel. When I’m having one of these days, my lingerie of choice is mostly Curvy Kate, specifically Scantilly by Curvy Kate as the pieces are sexy AF! I’m wearing their Unleash Half Bra here in my sister size of 38H and it makes me feel incredible.
Remember: The healing begins the day you decide to apologise to your body, instead of for it. Go ‘head and treat yo’self!