Passing on Body Values to my Children
Before you start getting excited, no I am NOT pregnant lmao.
I thought I’d chat a bit about the body values I inherited as a child, and what I would want to hopefully pass down to my kids, If I should ever have them (chances are looking pretty slim at the moment, but we live in hope).
As I child I was *big-boned*, but wouldn’t say I was especially chubby. Throughout Primary school I had a generally easy time and didn’t suffer from any specific body issues. It wasn’t until I hit the age of 11 when the weight really began to creep on. This was due to a mixture of going through puberty combined with emotional eating due to being bullied at school. The more I was bullied about my weight, the more I ate, the bigger I became, the more I got bullied…and the cycle continued for 5 years.
Me (and my Jherri curls lmao) at Alton Towers, aged 10
Navigating puberty was a weird one for me. As a child, my Mum used to have a job where she had to travel abroad for long periods of time so she missed my puberty period and I had to take those issues up with my Dad who…wasn’t really good with female child/teen issues lmao. I didn’t really know what was happening with my body, I didn’t wear a bra until the age of around 14 because I didn’t know how to buy a bra or get my boobs measured as my Mum wasn’t around a lot of the time. For about 4 years, I was wearing entirely the wrong size bras and would still wear training bras even though I was probably around a size 32 C/D at the time.
As I started getting bigger, there was definitely a sense of isolation and self hate, which was only exasserbated by the fact that I kept being *encouraged* to lose weight by family members, whose methods of encouragement were fascinated via shaming in a hopes to drum it into me that how I looked was inherently *wrong*.
It also didn’t help that my Mum was a petite and shapely size 8-10 (and still is). I went through puberty constantly thinking there was something wrong with me. “HOW could I be bigger than my Mum?” and “She looks so young, I wish I could wear her clothes”.
It was just the weirdest thing going to Topshop and H&M to shop for her clothes, yet going into M&S and Evans to shop for mine – at the time I thought that it should have been the other way round. Anytime we went out, my Mother would always be complimented (rightly so because she looks incredible) and when it came to me, I’d always be greeted with looks of pity. Either that or ‘you’ve got lovely big cheeks!”. Yeah cheers thanks.
Tess T-shirt Bra and undies – Parfait Lingerie
Looking back, I do think that If I were given the right amount of guidance and support and home during puberty, and maybe endured a bit (lot) less fat shaming, maybe I would have grown up as insecure as I did. I come from a huge extended family which is one of the reasons why I cannot wait to have children but I think the main reason I cannot WAIT to have kids, is to show them the love and support I lacked growing up (in regards to my body, not generally!) and going through puberty. I cannot wait to bring someone that I created into this world, and to love him or her with all my heart and every fibre of my being. I cannot wait to be in a position where I can teach them how to love their bodies, how to practise self-care when they are feeling down, to teach them about diversity, different body sizes and to treat people with respect and to take them underwear/bra shopping and have a blast with it. I would teach her the differences between ‘proper’ bras and training bras, the differences in bras (Balconette, half-cup, T-shirt etc) and teach her what kind of bras to wear underneath which outfit.
I’d teach her that whenever she’s feeling horrible about her body, put on some comfortable, pretty underwear like her Ma does and just prance about the house with loud music playing (although she should leave the thirst traps for when she’s older tbh because let’s not)
I would one day want to teach them all the things I wish I was taught as a child, so that they could grow up to be the best versions of themselves and I can one day look back beaming with pride and say ‘I created that’.
Post created in collaboration with Parfait Lingerie. all views are my own obvs!